please come you make the beer taste better
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
