She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
