P.S. I can't hear my feet
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.