I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
organizing the empties. That sober.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
