my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
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