fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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