I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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