ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
