i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
