I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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