Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
