I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
