Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
