I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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