you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
