After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
