so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
