Plan B is the new Plan A
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
