how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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