Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
