Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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