Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Are my feet made of real feet?
There's always time for handjobs
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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