Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
