I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
