your thong is hanging out like whoa
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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