I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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