she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
