my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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