Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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