btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
