Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
