apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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