So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
