My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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