i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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