You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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