I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize