if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize