Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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