So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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