Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
