Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
