I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
