i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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