I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
