I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
