If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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