We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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