doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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