I think im going to throw up on grandma
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
