Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
