Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
