If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
