I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize