We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
