Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What happened to fro yo and sex?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
