you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize