Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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