Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
