you didnt know i had herpes?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
