Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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