Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
