I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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