She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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