So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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