I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
