I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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