In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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