we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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