Ambien. No doubt about it.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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