Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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