so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
