dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
