3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize